Both Worth the Wait and Stand Tall are sold out at present. There is a revised and updated version of Worth the Wait Book and DVD to come out in 2010, following Jason's marriage..it will probably be called"It was worth the wait!"

Frequently Asked Questions | Books & DVDs

Introduction

As a former professional rugby league player I was interviewed quite often. During the football season there were times when the interviews ran smoothly, like when I had played a good game and the reporter was full of praise and encouragement. But if something controversial happened during a game, I would dread being interviewed because there was no guarantee that the reporter would tell my side of the story. Interviews were also common during preseason training; these are designed to wet the public's appetite for the football season and they usually focus on how the team has been preparing and our expectations for the coming year-they're usually pretty basic interviews.

On Cronulla Beach one beautiful summer's day, I was talking to a reporter and feeling quite relaxed about it because our media manager told me it would be a "standard interview", with simple questions about the new season, the team's goals and my own personal goals. During the interview, I said the previous season was a major disappointment for the team and myself, so it was crucial to make this year a good one. But after about 20 minutes, just as the interview was about to conclude, a great looking girl walked past us, ceasing all talking for a good five seconds. The conversation then moved on to a more interesting subject-girls. Reporters often like to include information about a player's wife or girlfriend to add a bit of flavour to the standard football story. Being a single guy, I didn't really have much to say-at first anyway. But the more we talked, the more interested the reporter became in my views on sex, relationships and my reason for being single. I told him I was waiting for the right girl to come along and that I had decided to save sex for marriage, which is different to the way I used to approach relationships. He looked amazed and his eyes lit up as he thought, "Hmm-a footballer who used to have sex but doesn't any more. Now that's a story!" Reporters itch for information that will raise a few eyebrows, and I gave this fellow plenty of ammunition. I didn't mind because I wasn't ashamed of what I had to tell him. I walked away from the interview feeling pretty good. The following Sunday at 6am, I was awoken by a phone call from a friend who asked if I had seen the newspapers. I explained that in order for me to have seen the papers, I would have to have been awake! Within an hour I had the paper in my hands and was reading a full page spread about me entitled "I've given up sex!" What happened to the interview about the coming season and all our hard training?

The story caused such a stir, not only amongst my team mates and the football-watching public, but also in the media in general. TV and radio stations, the newspapers and girls' magazines all had a piece of the scoop. I never imagined that my lack of a sex life would generate so much publicity. Imagine what the publicity will be like when I actually get a sex life! I received several letters from people who followed the media coverage about me. Some could relate to the stance I had taken and thanked me for expressing my views. Others wanted to know why a footballer who had more opportunities than most to meet girls would not take advantage of it? I guess this underlines my reason for writing this book. From a young age I was told that sex outside of marriage was wrong, but no one ever explained why it was wrong or why it is important to save sex for marriage.

I am not claiming to be a sex expert, there are people who know more about this subject than me, but what I do know is that sex was designed to be great. However, from some ordinary experiences I discovered that sex at the wrong time can be disappointing, hurtful, and may even prevent you from finding true love and a relationship that lasts. There is so much information on sex out there-on how to do it, how to get it, where to do it, who's doing it, what to wear (and what not to wear) while you're doing it, and what to make for breakfast after it. This book is for those who dare to think beyond Saturday night. It is designed to help you think through the toughest and most exciting decisions you will ever have to make about sex and relationships.

During the football season I would spend about 30 hours a week training and preparing for the game at the end of the week. I would also train extensively during the off-season. For a game that lasts only 80 minutes, I spent many hours preparing so that I could place myself in the best possible position to succeed. I hope that you view this book as a means to help you train and prepare for your relationships so that you can be in the best possible position to discover true love, develop a romantic relationship that lasts, and experience a sex life that exceeds your expectations.

Chapter 1 - Living the Dream

When I was in Year 11, I remember sitting in class one afternoon, feeling a little tired as our weekly period of religion began. Being a Catholic high school, religion was compulsory, and I usually enjoyed it but on this particular day, the atmosphere in the classroom wasn't exactly electric; in fact our eyes were almost shut until the teacher brought up the subject of sex. Suddenly, he had our undivided attention. All eyes were focused on this frail man who seemed to choke on every word he spoke. We could tell it was an awkward subject for him, but one that had to be addressed nevertheless. The more he spoke, the less confident I became that he had any right or experience to be talking about sex. I mean, this teacher wore thermal singlets in summer, carried a handkerchief with him at all times, and his shoes were always shiny. You know the sort of teacher I'm talking about-a nice guy, but not the coolest person you've ever met. I couldn't imagine him having sex let alone enjoying it, but I knew he had kids so something must have happened.

I resigned myself to the fact that this was going to be another one of those boring sex talks. I almost switched off completely until the teacher asked the magic question: "What do you think of sex before marriage?" Instantly, the room temperature went up 10 degrees as everyone started voicing their opinions about this hot topic. To be honest with you, I was so naive that I didn't realise people in my class were already having sex. But 10 minutes into the period I became aware of what was really going on.

Those who answered the question seemed to think that it was okay to have sex before marriage, providing you were in love. Most of the class agreed that the choice was up to the individual. I remember being stunned at what I heard. The teacher felt that sex should be saved for marriage, but didn't give any practical reasons why. I took it upon myself to set the record straight. I raised my hand and without waiting for the teacher's nod to speak I blurted out, "I think God designed us to have only one partner for life because sex is special." The room went quiet. People saw a side of me they had never seen before, and in fact, I didn't know I felt so strongly about this issue until that moment. I had never really thought about why sex was worth waiting for. I just grew up believing that that was the way it was meant to be. I was 16 years old and had never been kissed (not unless you count the kiss my mother gave me before I went to school). To say that I had little experience with girls is an understatement; in fact, I went to my Year 10 graduation dateless because I didn't have any friends who were girls. Sure, technically a female drove me to the formal, and even accompanied me up the stairs of the ballroom, but once again I don't think my Mum really qualifies as a date! That was a tough night.

I felt so shy and embarrassed about my appearance because I was overweight, and what made me feel worse was that I spent half the night trying to "squeeze in" and dance with my friends and their girlfriends. I felt so out of place.

Curious

At school I was in the "popular group"; a group of sporty guys who got lots of attention from teachers and students, and most of my friends had a choice when it came to girls they wanted to go out with. I did not have this luxury. In fact, there were many times when I pursued girls and got the brush off. It was never done nastily, but nevertheless it hurt me to think I wasn't considered boyfriend material.

Deep down I felt pretty rejected. Out of all the girls in my form, I thought that at least one would take an interest in me as more than just a "nice guy". Most girls regarded me as a guy who would do anything for anybody, and who they could talk to when their boyfriends didn't understand them, but as for sex appeal, well, "he's such a nice guy". When I turned 17 and began Year 12 things changed. A girl that I was good friends with at school took a romantic interest in me and we began to date. She told me that I was good looking and attractive and I was so overwhelmed that I didn't really stop to think whether we were suited as boyfriend and girlfriend. But I still hadn't got close to even kissing a girl at that stage, so I was keen. While my friends were going on dates and doing fun things with their girlfriends, I was usually at home watching Friday night footy. Don't get me wrong, I loved watching footy, but sometimes I wished I had another option.

I told a close friend of mine about my new girlfriend, hoping to get some approval from him, but he never gave me the thumbs up and I didn't give him the opportunity to explain why. I wasn't prepared to listen. Now I had someone who liked me, that I could kiss and go to the movies with-things that some of my friends had been doing since they were 13. It seemed like I had waited for this relationship forever, and as far as I was concerned it was long overdue.

During this relationship, my hormones began to step up a gear and I became more curious about what sex would be like. It didn't take much to get me fired up, and even though I never crossed the line I began to see why sex was a natural progression in relationships. However, I still had to be "in love" to go all the way. I was still pretty shocked when I heard that couples in my class were having sex within a few days of going out together. I figured that you had to earn the right to have sex and commit to a relationship. Our relationship had its ups and downs, with more downs than ups, or maybe I just remember it that way because the bad times really affected me. We broke up many times, and when we did I hardly slept or ate. But the worst feeling was waiting for that phone call. Who was going to give in and ring first? During these times I remember thinking, "She's found someone else. She doesn't want me." Sometimes the anxiety and depression was overwhelming. Breaking up was the pits. It left me with little enthusiasm for life or even rugby league, the game I love. Eventually it became clear to me that our relationship would not last. However, I couldn't face the thought of breaking up for good. In the end, she broke up with me and it was tough. I cannot recall another time in my life when I felt so worthless.

Nothing could cheer me up; not even the fact that I had just received my HSC results and scored within the top 4% in the state. I had worked so hard for this mark, but at the time it didn't seem like a big deal. I was miserable. The afternoon I received my results, my Year 12 class organised to meet at a local pub and celebrate. I knew my ex-girlfriend was going to be there with her friends and that she wouldn't talk to me, so in order to get her attention, I did something really stupid. I punched the wall at home, hoping that I would injure myself and she would notice. She didn't.

A week later, my ex-girlfriend called me; she wanted to give the relationship another chance. I jumped at the opportunity. Although I knew she wasn't the girl for me, I didn't want to be rejected by her either. I felt lonely. I longed for attention, and having a girlfriend made me feel more accepted by my friends. So, the up and down relationship continued. At this time I got selected to play rugby league for St. George, a rare opportunity for someone my age. I was happy to be chosen, but the confusion I was experiencing about my relationship overshadowed the excitement I should have felt about playing grade football and getting paid for it.

I trained hard that summer while waiting to begin my first year of university, and a whole new world opened up for me. Now that I was part of the footy scene, I had more opportunity to meet girls outside of school, and funnily enough, they began to take an interest in me. Slowly I began to get "options", and the girl that I had once punched a wall for wasn't as important to me any more. Finally, we broke up. It was still hard for me because we had been together for a year and a lot of my school memories were tied to her. However, it seemed like the right time to take this step.

Suddenly, everyone I knew was either having sex or doing all they could to get it. The comment I made about saving sex for marriage as a Year 11 student seemed like a distant memory. I began to go out with girls regularly and explore the unknown. I had my first sexual experience when I was 20 years old and it was definitely not a night to remember. I had seen people having sex on TV so many times before and it looked like the most passionate, exciting and earth-shattering experience ever. But for me, it was a serious let down. I felt stupid lying there with a girl I didn't know. I even felt embarrassed while I was having sex. It was like I had cheated myself of something-of what I wasn't sure-but one thing I was sure of was that I couldn't wait for her to leave. As she was leaving she said that I could call her any time I wanted sex. I said, "Cool," but I never called her again.

The next day I met the boys at training and they asked me what happened the night before. I didn't particularly want to go into detail because I was hoping I could put the previous evening behind me. However, as I told the story, I sensed that my team mates approved and admired me for my actions. From a young age I had seen myself as a guy who could never get a girl, as a failure with women-that's a guy's worst nightmare. Whenever my mates talked about the girls they picked up and what they did, all I could do was stare in awe. But now, the tide had turned, all eyes were on me and it felt good to get their approval. What I thought was a one-night slipup actually launched me into a lifestyle I never thought I would lead-carousing with the boys. I couldn't wait for the end-of-year footy trips to Hawaii and Bali, as I enjoyed the excitement of picking up girls and rushing back to tell the boys what had happened. I had sex pretty much as often as I liked; for a guy my age I was living the dream. Sometimes I would recall that day in class when I boldly raised my hand like a moral crusader, and I'd think to myself, "What the heck did I say that for?" I had gone in the opposite direction, and even argued with a friend of mine that sex is supposed to be fun and saving it for marriage is ridiculous and old-fashioned. I'm not sure why I took this stance. Maybe I was trying to justify my behaviour to him.

Sex is fun, let's face it. I enjoyed having sex in shortterm non-committed relationships, but staying in these relationships was hard for me because the sexual excitement would soon fizzle out. My problem was that I didn't know how to develop a deep connection with someone. However, even when a relationship was lifeless and unexciting, it still hurt me whenever break-up time came. Sometimes the pain was unbearable, so I would numb it with another sexual encounter.

Between the ages of 17 and 21 I had six relationships. It was like being on a merry-go-round, with each relationship taking me to a place of pain and frustration. I had to get off this ride. Eventually I came to a point where I had to think about the way I was living. I started questioning whether my "do it cause it feels good" attitude to sex and relationships was working for me. Although I was leading the typical single footballer's lifestyle, dating great looking girls, getting VIP entry into the best nightclubs and hanging out with the odd celebrity, it still wasn't enough. But a part of me had begun to accept that this is the way life is and that I couldn't really expect much more from relationships than what I had experienced. I had heard of people being soul mates, but realistically I didn't fancy my chances of finding one. My parents had a troublesome marriage that ended in divorce, and for me, this was more proof that relationships rarely work out. It is harder to make a relationship work when you have never seen one work. Nevertheless, I wanted something different from what I had seen and experienced, so I took a step back and listened to the people who cared for me most and thought about what they had to say. Until this point I did whatever my hormones felt like doing, and found myself emulating my friends values and those presented on TV instead of developing my own.

The U-Turn

Eventually, I made one of the biggest decisions of my life, which was to not have sex until the day I stand at the altar and say, "I do". The first friend I told about my decision was a high school buddy. I wasn't confident that he would understand because we had chased girls for as long as I can remember. I felt nervous and awkward as I spoke to him on the phone, and when I told him about my decision he was disgusted. I will never forget his reply: "Jay, you've lost the plot. It's unreasonable. You can't expect that from anybody. As if we are expected to save sex for marriage when sex is so good!" It was hard to hear, but deep down I knew I was right. Funnily enough, three years later, my friend, who all but hung up on me that night, decided to save sex for marriage too. He changed his mind after he listened to me explain why it is better to wait. We now laugh about his initial reaction to my decision, but believe me, he didn't think it was funny at the time.